How Red Sneakers Changed My Life

What I learnt this summer, aside from frying an egg while keeping the yolk perfectly gooey, the taste of loneliness and how to do my own threading,was the hot and immediate comfort of holding you, pressing a baby cheek to my face, watching you absentmindedly curl your small, moist hand around my finger while you stared out at the cars driving by, thrilling to the way you learnt to trust me one glance, one step at a time, until you had faith enough in me to follow me anywhere, to trust me to pick you up and wipe away your tears when you were sick in your own clothes that one time. Everytime I brushed back your dark hair or watched you fall asleep - what does a baby dream? - I wanted to stop time, turn back the hour hand on the clock, knowing that each moment I spent with you was precious and irreplaceable. You see, I will never get any of them back. Because the next time I see you, even if it is only a couple of months from now, you will never be the same toddler that you are now. Yo...

Electronics Department, NED-UET Karachi, Pakistan So I'm sitting here marveling at the end of the NED era, this sudden, abrupt conclusion to yet another phase of my quick, quick life. The truth is, the end had always seemed far enough away when I first started here, and even up till a couple of days ago, I was complacent, knowing that I had another class to attend, yet another test to take so much so that now that it really IS over, I can't begin to fathom what's just happened. I simply don't KNOW what to do with myself now. And I find myself returning again and again to those first few months in NED and the circumstances that swept me there, how the only thing I now know as true is that man is hasty and impatient, and it is in our nature to only appreciate something with the power of hindsight. When we are in the moment, very rarely do we think about it. We spend most of our lives either mooning over the past or feeling anxious about the future. But momen...

There is so much to say. I have travelled halfway across the world and back, tramped my way over mountains and walked along an ocean and a sea. But no matter where I go, whether its in an Emirates airplane or in our Suzuki, it changes nothing on the inside. I take my frame of my mind, and my well-worn memories along with me. And so, I might as well have stepped into the next room instead. Everything I see, the dog peeking out at me from the window of the parked car, the seals being gently buffeted by the waves of the Pacific, the couple checking out clothes in Junaid Jamshed, I see with these tired eyes, with my memories and thoughts ranged in neat rows behind them, nodding at the way it all fits together, nodding at my fate to always be on the outside looking in. I come back home, and there is nothing to say. I look at the sky and how it changes colour as the seasons roll by. The white wispy clouds that gently smudge the man in the moon, carrying their load across the co...

Today is May 11th. It's finally election day! And even though I'm finally old enough to exercise my right to vote, I probably won't have an ink-stained thumb later tonight. As much as I appreciate the ECP's efforts at ensuring that the majority of Pakistan's population was registered for the elections this time round, things haven't gone smoothly at all obviously. Turns out all of my family's polling stations are scattered across the city. I'm registered at some school in Malir, my grandparents are supposed to cast their vote in North Nazimabad, my mom is the only one fortunate enough to have her polling station in our area, and my dad isn't a registered voter at all. Keeping the security situation in view and the Taliban's hours-old announcement of planning nation-wide attacks on election offices tomorrow, it's probably better to stay locked indoors. But isn't that what we've been doing for the past decade or so? Where is our faith?...

I have always loved Gone With the Wind. I fell in love with it the minute I started reading it, and I could feel deep in my bones that I would carry the story with me forever. It's been about three years since I first finished it and during that time, the afterglow of that exhilerating story did dim somewhat. Until I picked it up again. And now I'm absolutely obsessed. I think human beings love tragedy. Tragic endings leave a much greater impression on our foolish, sentimental hearts than a happy ending riding away into the sunset ever could.  But that's not the only reason I'm a diehard fan of GWTW. The story SPOKE to me on so many levels. I could relate to almost all of the characters. Annoyingly, I could relate most to Ashley Wilkes. And he's supposed to be the weakest character in the novel. It's not that I would've done what he did with Scarlett and Melanie. But everything he said, oh man, EVERYTHING he felt about the passing away of the old Sout...

I wrote this months ago but I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it. I'd like to think this is the end of my There and Back Again story - if it can be called one...  I have imagined you coming back to me in so many ways.  Blue sky in Toronto and the sunlight scatters off your white doctor’s coat, as you throw your arms wide for an embrace. But I keep my distance as I’ve always had, and now more than ever with this wall of years between us. Well, you insist we drive somewhere, maybe Niagra Falls or the CN Tower, and catch up on the way. Yes, you drive now. And as the kilometers roll by, and the sun shifts its position, lighting up your face, your skin, throwing your features into relief, I begin to remember the way I used to feel. I remember you leaning over a school window, the memory of you frozen in laughter. I remember all our songs, and I have to shake my head to clear it, I have to redraw the line between the then and the now. Even though I catch you looking a...

I've had a moody kind of day. Actually, no, I should make use of my newfound GRE vocab and say I've been CANTANKEROUS all day. Whatever. There's always an alarming amount of unfinished work and deadlines swarming around me, and seriously, all I ever manage to do is read Gone With The Wind. I'd like to think I'm not the only one and that procrastination and laziness are necessary characteristics of any college student but then I should learn from my ingenious classmates who seem to have time to revise lectures and finish assignments and study for tests and lab tests and complete their lab manuals on time and still have energy left over to attempt bonus mark questions. Impressive. And to top it all, I got such an exciting text message this evening. There's a distraught soul out there who wants to be my 'frnd', he says he knows who I am even though I don't know him. How comforting to know that there is someone out there who cares! I shall warm my poor,...