The Dark Side

-

What does it mean to grow up? I'm 22 years old, and yes, I have matured in many ways over the past couple of years but I still don't behave like an adult, let alone feel like one. These years in NED have flown by so quickly...maybe this is what it means when people say life is short and slips by so quietly you don't even notice it's gone until the end. By the time our minds catch up with all the physical growth our bodies are doing, it is late enough and we're well into our thirties, finally coming to grip with the cold hard reality of adulthood. We spend the rest of our lives footing bills and working hard to make ends meet, preparing our kids to do the same mindless, inane tasks later on in their lives. What is this? This can't be what humans were created for. It's just depressing. And what's worse is that I REALIZE all this, or at least, I do most days, but I don't DO anything about it. I'll be 23 next year and seven years later, my twenties will have gone away forever (if I make it that far) and I don't want to think I've wasted most of my life doing absolutely nothing. 
It goes like this, we all have our deep philosophical moments when we suddenly see the light and realize that life is about a lot more than our mechanical routines and we pledge to not get caught up in the race, and to do things differently from hereon out. But the feeling generally lasts for only a couple of hours, a couple of days at best, and suddenly you wake up one morning exactly the same as before.
I just want my life to have a purpose, and a meaningful one at that. I can think of plenty of good ones right now; taking care of the environment (come to think of it, that's why I took engineering in the first place), helping those who need it, giving back to the community, spreading awareness about Islam...But I feel so...unqualified for each one of them. I don't know where to begin! 
I know writing about it isn't any better than making empty promises to yourself, but I suppose it's a start.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Waiting For Afternoon Chai

-
I'm sitting in my verandah right across from that big, beautiful neem tree, anticipating my favourite time of day in this city. Karachi is lovely in the afternoons.  When I'm in my balcony in an ugly plastic chair, or upstairs on the roof where the view is blocked by rows of apartment buildings, leaking sewage and other by-products of domestic life, and especially, yes, ESPECIALLY when we're driving towards Malir (preferably Cantt) or just heading towards the airport, and the sun hits everything in exactly the right place making the buildings look like they’re going up in rosy flames, I feel like I'm on top of the world. Literally. The world can't possibly be more beautiful than this. And all the ugly hatred, all the bitterness of this century is forgotten. I only see glorious, ancient Karachi. And I feel tremendously nostalgic. I guess, 20 years of this life are enough to look back on and I'm nostalgic for each one of them. For all the places I've ever b...
Read more

Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg!

-
I facebook too much. Signing in every hour, hoping for a shiny, red '1 new notification' (or inbox message if I'm lucky)-arghh, I'm going to HAVE to sign in right now!!-is facebooking too much. Feeling like an idiot when you haven't got any new notifications or inbox messages or friend requests or event invitations (application requests don't count in my book), and then logging out in disappointment, vowing to never visit the darned website again (WTH, it's been four whole hours and she STILL hasn't replied to my wallpost but she's had time to like all his pictures) is facebooking too much. Thinking about your next status update while you're supposed to be cramming for your C-language test is definitely facebooking too much. I hate it. But I can't stop. Sometimes I wonder if this is what being a smoking addict would be like. Going to bed promising to never ever EVER do it again, and in the morning you're still strong, but as the hours...
Read more

Keeping Faith

-
So, they tell me there are worse things in life. And somewhere deep inside, I know they're right. Hell, in this century, with countries vying with each other over nuclear warfare, and suicide bombers blowing craters a meter wide in residential streets, merely existing is an achievement. People get divorced, get cheated on, lose their kids to gang violence, have their houses robbed (sometimes five times over), get jailed for crimes they didn't commit. How many families have lost loved ones in airplane crashes? Yes, there's always somebody out there who has it worse than you. But does that mean that if a person doesn't fall in one of the above-mentioned categories, his or her problems aren't important enough? Their suffering doesn't matter because they haven't been hurt enough, is that it? I don't think so. Every time someone hurts, no matter how small, it matters. We're all human, and we're all equal, and when one of us hurts, it is a t...
Read more