The Dark Side

What does it mean to grow up? I'm 22 years old, and yes, I have matured in many ways over the past couple of years but I still don't behave like an adult, let alone feel like one. These years in NED have flown by so quickly...maybe this is what it means when people say life is short and slips by so quietly you don't even notice it's gone until the end. By the time our minds catch up with all the physical growth our bodies are doing, it is late enough and we're well into our thirties, finally coming to grip with the cold hard reality of adulthood. We spend the rest of our lives footing bills and working hard to make ends meet, preparing our kids to do the same mindless, inane tasks later on in their lives. What is this? This can't be what humans were created for. It's just depressing. And what's worse is that I REALIZE all this, or at least, I do most days, but I don't DO anything about it. I'll be 23 next year and seven years later, my twenties will have gone away forever (if I make it that far) and I don't want to think I've wasted most of my life doing absolutely nothing. 

It goes like this, we all have our deep philosophical moments when we suddenly see the light and realize that life is about a lot more than our mechanical routines and we pledge to not get caught up in the race, and to do things differently from hereon out. But the feeling generally lasts for only a couple of hours, a couple of days at best, and suddenly you wake up one morning exactly the same as before.

I just want my life to have a purpose, and a meaningful one at that. I can think of plenty of good ones right now; taking care of the environment (come to think of it, that's why I took engineering in the first place), helping those who need it, giving back to the community, spreading awareness about Islam...But I feel so...unqualified for each one of them. I don't know where to begin! 

I know writing about it isn't any better than making empty promises to yourself, but I suppose it's a start.